if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
