he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
