Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
