You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
