Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
