Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I fill condoms, not promises.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
