Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
