I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
