My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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