Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
