batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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