The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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