M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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