GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
