He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
