so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
