I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
