Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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