adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
