R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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