dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
