I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
