yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
