dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
