On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
