He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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