I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
