No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
