we have pet lesbian snakes
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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