At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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