dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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