those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
