dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
