Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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