ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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