mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
