i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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