At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
