If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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