my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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