i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
