I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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