you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
