My first STD was from a foam party
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize