just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
