When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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