Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize