just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
