I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
