I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize