I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
