great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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