Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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