evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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