i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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