bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
