she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize