I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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