Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
