Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
