You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize