I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
