he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
