Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
