You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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