I want to stick my p in your. b.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
