you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
