Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
