Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
