We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
