If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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