Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
