those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize