please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
