Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
