he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
