We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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