think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize