Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
