Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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