Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize