i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
