My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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